Beth and Garrett invited Patrick and I to join them in Chicago (since it's close to us) on their vacation. Truth is I could care less about the city I just want to see my sister. I had high hopes of setting aside $10 per pay check so that we could go come May. However, I have to accept the fact that we don't have $10 extra dollars at the end of the month. We barely have the money to pay the bills. Most of the time we are buying groceries on credit. It makes me cringe when I had the cashier a credit card. I don't know what else to do. We are hoping to get money back from our taxes to pay it off.
If it were up to me we would be in SC all the time (I wouldn't have left). I miss our family and friends so much. However, after visiting at Christmas we got behind on the bills (since I had to take time off) and we had to borrow money from my parents. That made me cringe as well.
Up until a month ago we were living off my measly pay check alone. Patrick had a job for a while but he was being worked all weekend, every weekend, and therefore, was failing Greek. He was miserable so I told him to quit. With all the snow Patrick discovered he could earn a little extra money scraping sidewalks around our place. He also recently trained for a job washing windows with a company owned by a former Covenant student. This company will work around his schedule. I just hope we can figure out the transportation situation (we currently only have one car and a scooter).
I am trying to do all I can to earn more money at my job. I am working on my day off, when they ask. I also recently got accepted to the companies CDA program which means I will be doing school online starting March 15. At the end of the year my pay will increase 5% and I will have another degree recognized nation wide.
I thought about another job on the weekends. However, I work ten hour days. It's dark when I go in and dark when I get off. I am drained at the end of the week. And, I am not sure what to expect homework wise with this degree. I hate having no spending money for hobbies or outings. I haven't scrapbooked since we have been here because I am out of all sticky tapes and I just can't see spending money on that. I have used all the beads I have to make anything good so I haven't made jewelry since January. I finally have a good relationship with my sewing machine. However, no fabric to sew.
The biggest thing of all that kills me about having no extra money: I WANT TO START A FAMILY. I have wanted to start a family for three years now. Things just keep coming up that put it off. Money being the main thing. I am surrounded by great mothers here. I work with babies daily. I feel like it is being rubbed in my face that I can't be a mom yet (thanks Satan).
So here is how I feel today. I knew this life would be tough. I am glad I have a loving husband that helps me laugh through it. I try to remind myself daily that I don't really know what poor is. I am wealthy compared to most people in the world. As I have said I have begun reading through the bible. I just finished 1 Corinthians. The other day as I went to spend my break with God these things were overwhelming me so, I was just going to pray. However, I decided just to start 2 Corinthians. I read 1:1-11 and I was so encouraged. Please read it. I don't think it was by chance that I read that. God knew I needed it. My prayer is for patience, providence, comfort, and hope. I ask that you pray for us in that way too. Thanks for reading my pitty party. I just had to be honest with what is constantly haunting me, which I hate.
